Coming up for air
This morning, I went rollerblading. I’m new to rollerblading and, admittedly, not very good at it…yet. But it’s been fun to learn something new, challenge myself in different ways and get outside. This may not seem like a particularly noteworthy thing to anyone else. But to me, making the choice to go rollerblading this morning was vital.
As a coach, I spend a lot of my time with people going inward—deep diving into thoughts, emotions, beliefs and behaviors. And when I’m not doing that with clients, I’m often doing it for myself. I try to prioritize checking in, reflecting, exploring, learning. I’m a sucker for a good book or podcast that points me inward. And deep conversations, whether with my therapist or my friends (many of whom also happen to be therapists), are truly life-giving to me.
And while all this is great, sometimes it can feel heavy. Very heavy. If I’m not careful, I can get so in my head and my feels, analyzing the ins and outs of this complex thing we call humanity, that I forget to come up for air. And when this inner work couples with a season of intense change or transition (such as the one I find myself in currently), I run the risk of slipping into a very self-critical state. I constantly feel that I’m not doing enough, not being the coach I want to be, not managing my emotions well. Or that I should know better by now how to keep from falling into old patterns. And then, in realizing that the critical voice has taken hold, I actually become critical of how critical I’m being. A better person and coach would find compassion easier to access in these moments. The thoughts go on and on.
The truth is that I’ve made immense progress over the years. I can catch things much quicker than I used to. My methods for coping are much healthier. And I’m more aware and mindful of my patterns and the mindsets that limit me. I’m also human. Fully fallible human. That part hasn’t changed and never will. And so I get it wrong sometimes, too.
Over the years, I’ve learned that when things start feeling really heavy and the critical voice grabs its megaphone, this is usually a good indication that it’s time to float to the surface for a bit. To pull out of my inner world for a moment to re-engage with the outer world. To prioritize something that feels comforting, easeful, lighthearted and fun. Like rollerblading.
So today, even with the mounting number of things on my to-do list, even with the blog post that should have gone out this morning, even with my anxiety activated, I chose the thing that felt light and enjoyable. I chose to press pause and to listen to what I desperately needed rather than what I “should” have been doing. I chose to be outside, to move my body and to have some damn fun.
And it’s funny…as I hesitantly made that choice, the inspiration for this blog emerged. I had something already written, but it didn’t feel authentic. It felt disjointed and clunky. Because it wasn’t for today. This was. And as I write now, I feel flow and ease. I feel lightness and levity.
Life is hard. And the work we do to navigate it can be as well. But sometimes, it’s okay to move toward what feels good and easy and delightful. It’s okay to choose fun. It’s okay to come up for air, knowing that deep breath we take will serve us well the next time we have to dive in again.
Until next time…
Happy traveling!
~Tiffany