Keep showing up

During my last trip to South America, I was deep in the work. I was self-examining and reflecting. I was unearthing new pieces of my story and becoming more aware of how those pieces impact me in significant and often limiting ways. I was feeling all the things. It was heavy and humbling. It was enlightening and liberating. 

And as I did this work, I had to be careful and intentional not to push away the vulnerable parts that were surfacing. It was tempting to distract myself and avoid the discomfort, but I knew that doing so would have been a disservice to myself—past, present and future. 

So, I decided to set a recurring date with myself for the last few weeks of my trip to make sure I was staying connected and engaged with the inner parts pleading for my attention. I made a promise to myself that every morning, before I started the work day or began prioritizing other things, I would walk to a park overlooking the beautiful Lima coastline, and I would sit there. 

That’s it. Just sit and see what emerged.

I didn’t do this for any particular amount of time. Sometimes it was five minutes, sometimes an hour. 

I didn’t do anything specific with this time. Sometimes I focused on my senses, taking in what I could see, hear, smell and feel around me. Sometimes I practiced gratitude or talked with myself. Sometimes I just sat with my thoughts, which at times led to great insight, and other times left me more confused than before

And I didn’t do it in order to achieve any specific outcome. Sometimes I left feeling inspired, other times peaceful, other times wondering if I had just completely wasted my time.

What I did in this space and how I used this time wasn’t the point. It was the practice of showing up, day after day, that was meaningful. I made a promise to myself, and that promise wasn’t to drop into a deep meditative state. It was just to meet myself there, in whatever state I happened to be in that day. 

There were mornings where I would instinctively hit snooze on my alarm, hoping for a few more minutes tucked in my bed. But then a gentle voice would whisper, “Come on, get up. Remember, you have an important date this morning. Yourself is waiting for you.” And out of bed I would get.

I began showing up for myself like I would a friend. And in doing that, I began to befriend myself. I started to look forward to these mornings where I could sit in quiet, before the noise of life and the world set in and just enjoy my own company. I began to show up to these self-dates with curiosity and wonder. What will happen today? What part of myself will I meet today? What will emerge in this space? What will I walk away from my time with?

And it of course happened, after merely a few days of this practice, that I began to feel the pressure I inevitably always put on myself. “But I didn’t stay as long as the day before,” I would think. Or “I didn’t have an ‘aha’ moment today.” And in those moments, when I could feel the self-judgment creep in, I would simply remind myself that the deal I had made was just to show up. Nothing else. And I was doing that. I had already succeeded just by being there. 

Showing up, dear ones, is often the hardest part. And nothing life-altering needs to happen when you do it. How you’re able to show up will look different everyday and will be determined by a number of factors. Some days you will be able to give more, and others you won’t have much to give at all. It’s simply about the effort, about giving what you’re able when you’re able, and knowing that’s enough. And it matters.

I think this concept applies in many areas of life. Take travel, for example. Every trip won’t be the best. Some will just be hard. Things will go wrong, and sometimes you might not respond in a way that’s open and curious and flexible. Keep showing up to explore the world anyway. Or creativity. Everything you create surely won’t be noteworthy. It won’t always receive praise or accolades. Hell, some of it may never be seen by another living soul. Keep showing up to create anyway. In your relationships, you won’t always know the “right” thing to say or do. You’ll miss the mark. You’ll disappoint and let down the people you care about most. Keep showing up for your people anyway. You won’t always be an exemplar of self-care and self-love; some days the bare minimum is all you will be able to give yourself. Keep showing up for yourself anyway.

As for me… I assuredly won’t always bring the most profound or insightful content to this space. Not all of it will be inspiring or perhaps even relatable to everyone who stumbles across it. But I will keep showing up. And I hope you will too.

Until next time…

Happy traveling!

~Tiffany